gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
