I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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