stop calling my apartment porn island.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
