I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
