I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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