Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
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