I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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