You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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