girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
