so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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