I don't usually arrange sex via text message
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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