the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
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do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
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You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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