I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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