we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
