are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
