If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
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