Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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