Small penises have feelings too.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
