And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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