I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
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is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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