What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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