Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize