ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
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You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
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This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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