she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
