I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
