you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
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