Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
