Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
