You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Send help, water and tortillas.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
