God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
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Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
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Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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