remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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