Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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