I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
