she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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