Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
