you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
