it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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