Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
