I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Everyone says I win the strip club
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
