Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize