I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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