And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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