I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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