I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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