We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
