Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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