Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
