Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
