So drunk its hurt
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
