We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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