I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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