there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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