and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
