What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
