I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I hate all girls vehemently.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
