I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.