wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
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