At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
