I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
