My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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