just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
