scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
