Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
